Change+process+tension = ????

Today’s one of those days, well that’s not an entirely true statement, today’s my decompression day from a rough week. This week’s just been hard; a lot of stuff has been flying around in my head. I seem to be feeling the early trimmers of change coming, its just weird because the change is so unclear right now. I want to embrace it, helping the transition be quick, smooth, and as painless as possible, yet I’m not sure what I should be looking for, hoping for, longing for.

So many emotions swirling around, fears running into dreams, excitement pushing up against anxiety; a mix of it all.

I once heard that Change would not take place until the cost of staying the same is more than the cost of changing. That’s so true. I’m realizing I’m ready; I’m ready to pay the cost, to make the move, to “put the ball in play” fore say, yet I just don’t know where. It’s like knowing you need to get off the bus, yet you’re clueless what stop is yours.

I know God is good, I know he knows what’s next and what’s best, I know all that; it just sucks waiting on Him to pass that info along.

God, I know you give a rip, although at times it really doesn’t feel that way, I know you care, I know you know what’s best, I know that waiting on you is what I need to do. I just want to run ahead, to hate the process, to hate the unknown, to hate having to live in the tension! Help me pause, help me be patient, help me open my hands and allow you to take hold. Please give me what it takes to stay still, to not rush the process, to not avoid the tension, cause yet again, I know this is best, it’s in the process that you live, it’s the tension that changes me, it just hard being here.