questions of faith

The other night I ran into a girl from the church I worked at last year. It was good seeing her again and we did the social verbal dance of asking about life and parents and the such. I noticed a little hesitation in one of her replies about school and when questioned a little she revealed a deep chasm of questions, doubts, fears, and mess she is trying to process through.

In a nutshell she was done with religion. She was burned, hated what her parents, church, and friends where trying to sale as faith and even at one point she referred to her parents faith as a "toxic pool of religion" (strong words, yet made me laugh a little).

I had a strange reaction to her thoughts and rejection of faith.

I wasn't scared for her, although I might should be.

I wasn't afraid she'd never return to what I believe to be correct, although I hope she does

I was simple proud of her.

Proud that she was willing to really wrestle with her faith. That she just wasn't opening her mouth and saying "give me the Blue Religious cool-aid and I'll drink"

She's really trying to figure out what she believes, why she believes it and then ultimately spend the rest of her life backing up these beliefs.

This is risky business... this is hard business for Christian families and faith leaders.

She may never believe like I believe again... her beliefs may be similar or drastically different.

But I think I'm ok with that.

I'm asking what is better, a person to say they believe what I do, yet never really own it? believe it? commit to living it?

Or someone truly believing something, yet something that I do not believe in?

I of course think my beliefs are right, thus why I believe them... just as you believe what you believe because you believe it is right.

So all that to say...

my dear college friend,

May you continue to wrestle with faith, hope and love.

May you find people who will give you space to reflect and question, yet also find truth and love.

May you come out of this season owning what you believe, and believing in how you live.

I hope you will believe like I do, but if you don't may I, and those like me, give you space to believe next to me.

And if I was honest I'd confess I need to question what I believe more, pausing more to really chew on what I'm reading, acting out of, and declaring I believe in. Even this morning as I read sections of the book of Mark I found myself needing to pause and ponder, to ask many questions, questions I still can't answer. But for what ever reason I choose to still believe, to have faith, and to say that this ancient text has authority, truth, and life.

Faith is a tricky business. and giving someone else's kid permission to question it is easier to do when it's not my kid wrestling... so may I remember these words when my kids do wrestle many many years from now, and may my house be a safe place to have honest questions and true searching. And may I demonstrate a humble faith that never stops chewing on what it means to love God and to walk in according to his Story.