finding my heart...

Over the past few weeks a consistent theme has been coming before my attention.

The theme has been centered around the idea of moving my everyday focus from me and my desires, and my goals, and my wants, and my dreams, and my skills, and my insecurities, and my… and my… and my… (it seems like the list of “my’s” could go on and on) to a focus that rest in God’s character, God’s nature, God’s history, God’s desires, God’s heart, basically moving my focus from my heart to God’s.

From May of 05 to September of 05 I had several major life transitions. Now each of these transitions are natural, needed, and good, but to have them all with in a span of 4 months was
a little hard to take. With in those few fast months I:
- Graduating collage (Praise God that is over!)

- “Lost” 98% of all my friends (I was glad to get rid of couple, but I really do miss Dorm Halo at 3am)

- Getting married (just a minor life change … SARCASM!)

- Moved across the country (18 hrs from Pearl’s family and 12 from mine)

- Started my first full time job (What am I doing again?)

- Learned a different culture (it may be the same country but where’s the sweet tea?)


These transitions where pretty major for me, but if you where to see me around work or the house you would have thought I was handling all of this change with ease (at least I think that’s what you’d see). But what was happening on my inside was a major identity crisis. The question of “who the heck am I” was screaming loud and clear. “Am I a college student? Or this weird thing called “an adult”?” “Do I still have ANY friends? Where did they all go?” “I now get to sleep with my girlfriend and not feel guilty after making out, but am I a good husband?” “Am I a bad son for leaving my family? Can I live with the guilt of not being near my elderly grandpa?” “Am I good at what I do for a living? What is it that I actually do again? Do I really want to do this? Forever?” “Just how different are the North and South? I’m fully southern, so do I look stupid when in public up here?”

These questions where the daily questions running through my mind; I’ve seen these guys hundreds of times, from hundreds of different angles, with hundreds of different faces. These questions are good and we all need to address them (they may look different but you get the point), but I fell in a trap of living in them.

So back to the theme that has been consistently whispering in my ear as of late, a whisper that is saying “Matt, you’re ok, you’re where I want you, you’re doing what I designed you for, quit fighting where you’re at, you are where you are because I’ve put you there, do something, don’t miss where I’ve got you, don’t stress so much about tomorrow or next year or next century that you miss your purpose for today, find my heart, find my character, don’t worry about how you will express it just find it, you have nothing to say unless you’ve got a hold of my heart, in finding my heart you’ll find yours.”

That’s it! The original identity questions are still in the back of my mind, I’ve found peace for the moment, but to find peace for life, to find direction of what I was originally designed for, I must know my designer, His intentions, His heart.

So what’s my focus, hopefully a little less of me and a little more of Him. A little less focused on my heart, and a little more searching for His, a little less worrying about my name and a little more of making more of his.

Jesus is record in John 5:30 to say “My judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will.”

May I put this is my own words?

“I know my life is lived right when I focus on the will of the one who made me and not my own”

God, move my focus from me to you, my searching’s from my heart to yours. May I find your heart, and in the process discover my own.

Road trippin' for Turkey day!

Pearl and I have a unique honor in our marriage. Our families live literally on the opposite ends of the country. My folks live the in south, Northeast Georgia to be exact, and Pearl’s family lives north of 40% of Canada’s population in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

This years Thanksgiving was to be spent in the UP. Our plan was to leave Lancaster by 4:30 am on Wednesday, but as the alarm screamed in our ears we decided a couple of hours of extra sleep would be worth the delayed arrival. So our 4am departure plans quickly turned into an 8am departure. We had smooth travels till a little ways into Ohio where we hit the biggest rain cloud known to man, mixed with half the north traveling to family, which collided to make the perfect conditions for accidents, traffic, more accidents, and simply a ton of delays. We battled the crazy rain until about half why through the lower part of Michigan, where it braked (we thought we had made it), then it turned to snow (AKA “death to good traveling conditions”). As the weather worsened, our spirits and desire for “adventure” left.

Memories of last year’s “flying-off-the-road-adventure” during a similar snowstorm on our way north had left us pretty skittish this year. We battled until about 45 minutes south of the Mackinaw Bridge and found a motel. Our location of refuge was “Timberly Motel”. If we were in a third world country this would have been luxury, but in the states it was a little sub-par. Let’s just say it’s been a while since my motel room came equipped with it’s on ashtray, pubic hairs around the bathroom, and plenty of parking spaces in the empty parking lot except for my car and 2 others. I shouldn’t knock the place too bad, it was much nicer than an icy grave, or being flipped in a ditch.

It snowed about 4-5 inches during the night and left a beautiful sight for us in the morning. Zuri (our 12 week old coonhound) loved the snow and would often only stand on three legs to keep at least one foot out of the cold.

Zuri was great to travel with, we made her a bed in the back of the car and that is where she stayed for 98% of the trip. I’ve never seen her sleep so much.

Once on the road again Pearl and I quickly discovered a beautiful sight; the sight that all travels love and pray for. A sight the stirs feelings of warmed and coziness, of being known (even through you’ve never been to this actual place) and of knowing, a place where Pearl and I officially declared our love through engagement. Yes, I’m talking about the beautiful place known as Starbucks. It’s like family hugs all mixed in a cup, which is especially nice after hauling snow and ice off your car.

After picking up “the bucks” we had smooth travels. We arrived in the Keweenaw around 4:30pm. The past few hours have been delightful. To be with family, share stories, be able to help with small projects, share Thanksgiving dinner, and to simply be together.

Well, it’s now night, I’m the last one up, and I should get to bed (cause we’re going black Friday shopping tomorrow! Yeah!)

Happy Thanksgiving to you all

PS – I’m incredibly blessed beyond what my words can express. To have such amazing friends, family and faith community decorating the days of my life leave me being truly grateful and thankful.

Blessings to all

one busy weekend...

This weekend was a full couple of days!

InsideOut
Saturday was our LIFE group’s inside out project. Incase you’re not familiar with the term “inside out” this is where LIFE groups (small groups at our church) are partnered with different families in our communities. The families we are partnered with are either elderly couple, single parent homes, handicapped homes, or homes with a member currently active in the military.

Our Group was partnered with a sweet couple from Mt Joy. The husband had survived something like 5 life-threatening events with in the past 4 years. He has seen strokes, a heart attack, a growth on his brain, and some really nasty infections, and also all the complications of surviving these elements. He is left with obvious side effects from each of his trials, but despite all the pain this couple has seen, they were so thankful to be celebrating one year with no hospital stays.

I was humbled by this man’s perseverance through such challenging times and life changing events and I left amazed at the amount of love and sacrifice the wife had and gives to her husband.

It was an honor to do simple yard chores for them.

Zuri – aka a coonhound
Our search to find Captain, our massive Newfoundland dog, a friend has come to an end. As of Saturday afternoon Captain was being introduced to a 13 week old coonhound puppy named Zuri.

As Pearl and I were driving home with our new family member we glanced at each other with a look of fear and excitement that said, “what in the heck have we just gotten ourselves into?” We have quickly grown to love Zuri and laugh at her often. She will one day grow into her oversized paws, head and ears, but for now she’s a bumbling furry of energy and chaos.

By the way “Zuri” is Swahili for Beautiful.

3rd Annual Lydic Thanksgiving Bocce Ball Tournament
Sunday held the 3rd annual Lydic Thanksgiving Bocce ball tournament. Pretty much this is a time where a lot of friends get together at The Lydics’ house (who have unknowing adopted all of us) for an early run at a Thanksgiving meal, then a cut throat match of Bocce ball, and finally a lazy evening on their coach watching what ever is on the tube. To the victor goes much pride, some goofy award from Garry’s carport or basement, and their name on the official bocce ball tournament plaque. Yes, this is a little crazy, but it’s a whole lot of fun. By the way, it was a delightful 34 degrees and raining/sleeting during yesterday’s play.

To add some zest to this year’s games, Garry borrowed matching wind suits for us to wear. I felt like I had eating the “Bad gum” from Willy Wonka. I'll let you guess why we're holding the plaque.


1st Snow of Winter 08!
And last but not least, the first snow of the year fall last night. YEAH!